人言可畏

Heard from a friend (let's just call him Richard) that another friend (let's call him Andy) had clashed with (Oscar) yesterday. All three are close friends but at times, one does speak about another behind one's back among the trio. Apparently Andy had told Oscar things about Richard which Andy wasn't quite happy about but still able to tolerate. Oscar on the other hand told Richard the things that he were told. Richard then talked to Andy and said that he was told of things Andy had said to Oscar, in a not very friendly manner of course. And so, the volcano erupted.

Andy and I had some differences in opinion over some work issues not so long ago and while I was not around, Andy had discussed the whole matter with Oscar and told him some of the negative views he had on me. (This whole episode happened before the one mentioned earlier.) And then, Oscar came telling me about it. I would have blown my top off if I had not had a previous encounter and the sudden enlightenment. Anyway, my reply to Oscar was: "It is normal for Andy to have told you these, cos he is not happy about the issue. If I were as unhappy as he was, I would have done the same too."

The next encounter I had happened years ago. During that time, I was very much into photography and had spent about $4k to $5k on my camera and its accersorries. And so, my office people had asked that I bring my camera and take a few shots of group photo for the whole office. And so I did. However, after the session one guy came telling me that another guy (let's call him Ben) had criticised about my camera and skill. I was mad. My blood boiled immediately and was about to start cursing and swearing. However, just at that moment, a question suddenly came to me. I think a Buddha must have just passed by and touched my head. I asked myself: "Why did Ben suddenly behaved like that? It seems that Ben is unhappy over certain issue about me." Then I start to analyse... And my conclusion is; this guy who came to me and told me about the critiques Ben gave was the same guy I had shared my critiques towards Ben not that long ago. And this guy must have squealed on me and that was what pissed off Ben.

So lesson learnt here; Always try to analyse what people tell you first, especially about things between friends, colleagues or even your family. Why are they telling you this? And the most important thing is not to react immediately, especially on impulse.

Next, when you want to tell someone of what other said, especially things that concerned the person you are talking to; do a filtering process. Omit those which you think will cause damage and only say the necessary things. Pertaining this, I had another encounter, which took place way before all those that were mentioned earlear. Andy called me one day and told me that my supervisor was unhappy about something I had done and the supervisor said: "I am going to f.u.c.k him up!" I immediately hung up the phone and rushed to my supervisor office and confronted him. The first question I asked was: "I heard you want to f.u.c.k me is it!?" Had my supervisor not stepped back a little, I am sure we would have ended up in a brawl. So, if the consequence was what Andy wanted, he had succeeded. But I am sure that wasn't his intention, he just didn't realise the importance of filtering!